Parents' Role in Shaping Children's Behaviour.

Good behaviour is the outward expression of an inner order--it reflects a person's character, values, and consciousness. It is not just about manners or external politeness; it is the natural fragrance that arises from a well-cultivated mind and a pure heart. At the human level, good behaviour means living with respect for oneself and others, showing kindness, honesty and self-control in all interactions. In short, good behaviour is living in harmony with dharma, with a mind filled with love and a heart tuned to the higher purpose of life.  It is the bridge between human life and divine life. 

In the fast-paced life of today, the meaning of good behaviour often gets blurred by ambition, technology, and competition. Children are quick to learn digital skills but slow to learn emotional sensitivity. The old foundation of respect for parents, teachers, and elders is weakening, not because the young are bad, but because guidance through examples has become rare. 

Sri Ramchandraji, the founder of Sahajmarg System, enlightened us that if we go to the feet of a great person, we show respect to him (The higher being means not only the one who is superior to us in behavior and also on the spiritual path).We should try to prevent any incident that might be happened through us, which is not pleasing to that higher being  but also try to avoid any defect in our speech, conduct and gestures. This is like a practice to reach a higher level of conduct. If this is made a habit, the power of self-control (characteristic)that is inherent in nature will be cultivated. If the rules of good conduct are not followed, a person will not attain righteousness. Therefore, it is essential to follow good conduct. Through good conduct a person will develop the quality of equanimity, and through equanimity, empathy with nature is created. In other words, one who is immersed in this state(empathy) has no awareness of unnecessary things. Therefore, good conduct is the life for the elevation of spirituality.

In Bhagavath Githa Chapter 3,  Verse 21, Lord Srikrishna Says: 

                     " Yad Yad acharathi shreshthas tat tad evetaro janah

                      sa yat pramanam kurute lokas tad anuvartate"

Whatever actions great persons perform, common people follow, Whatever standards they set, all the world pursues.

This directly applies to parents also. If parents lie, the child learns deceit, speak harshly, the child develops aggression, stay calm, the child learns balance, pursue spiritual practice, the child acquires inner discipline.  Parents don't need lecture--they need to demonstrate.  A  child's mind is like fresh clay, shape it when soft, and it will hold that form lifelong. This is why early training in respect, discipline, truth, courage, humility is essential.

Sri Rama is the greatest example of character in our culture. Why? Because Rama's father Dasharatha lived by truth, Kausalya lived by Dharma, Rama absorbed these values organically. This shows that the character of parents reflects in the character of children.

Parents are the first Gurus. As the Taittiriya Upanishad says:

                 "Matr-devo bhava, pitr-devo bhav'

 

that means regard your Mother and Father as Divine. This implies that parents must live divinely.  Parent's duty is not only to feed and educate but to instill values such as truthfulness in speech, Gratitude for what one receives, respect for elders and nature, and prayer, meditation and simplicity. These should become habits but not lessons forced by fear but inspired by love.  A child blossoms in an atmosphere of love and calmness. Quarrels, anger, and hypocrisy destroy the inner peace of a young mind.

Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa said,

                            "The child is like a young plant--protect it tenderly from the cold wind of                                   harshness"

Children don't learn by preaching, but they learn by observing. If parents are honest, gentle, and God conscious, the child naturally absorb these traits.

Children learn behaviour primarily by observation, not from rules, not from punishments. but from seeing how parents behave every day. Parents too much criticism reduces moral behaviour in children. It leads to stubbornness, lying, fear, and withdrawal.

Children absorb the morning atmosphere. If parents start the day peacefully not rushing, not shouting children naturally become calmer. Even Sri Ramchandraji emphasised that the morning condition shapes the whole day. Parents should speak calmly even during correction because children watch tone more than words. So instead of "why don't you listen" use "I expect this from you because it is right".  Firm, calm speech builds dignity in the child.

Parents often correct mistakes but forget to acknowledge good behaviour.  A simple" well done", or "I liked how you helped today," strengthens positive habits. Modern psychology calls this positive reinforcement, and our tradition calls it PRASAMSA. Parents also give small responsibilities to the children every day like arranging their beds, watering plants, helping elders, putting things back in place. When children feel responsible, they act more mature. Good behaviour grows through duties, not lectures. 

Grand parents also can guide grand children by telling stories from Ramayana, Mahabharath and Upanishads, speaking calmly and affectionately, showing them how to live simply and honestly, sharing small moral principles in daily examples, blessing them regularly and guiding them with their spiritual wisdom.

Parents play a major role in shaping children's behaviour today, and their actions, attitudes and discipline methods often directly influence whether children behave appropriately or misbehave. Aggressive discipline, neglect, lack of clear boundaries, and irresponsible parenting have been shown to contribute to misbehaviour in children. Negligence by parents, including spending excessive time on TVs and Cellphones and not showing appropriate interest in their children's education, can contribute significantly to misbehaviour in children.  Research indicates that parenting styles and the level of parental supervision and involvement play a crucial role in shaping children's behaviour.  Neglectful and inattentive parenting, where children lack proper guidance and support, is associated with a higher likelihood of behavioural problems, including misbehaviour and delinquency.

Spirituality in parents is useful for their self-growth and positively influences their children's behaviour.  Research shows that parents with higher spirituality tend to use more effective parenting practices and exhibit better self-regulation, which leads to fewer disruptive behaviour problems in their children. Spirituality in parents is linked to promoting values such as patience, empathy and non-judgmental listening, which contribute to healthier parent-child relationships and better emotional regulation in children. Furthermore, spiritually grounded parents often create an environment that nurtures their children's internal development and sense of self, fostering trust, comfort, and guidance essential for their spiritual and emotional growth.

Children of spiritual parents tend to show lower levels of disruptive behaviours and have better overall adjustment. Moreover, spirituality helps parents mirror their children's experiences without judgment, supporting the child's internal development of self-awareness and emotional health. This spiritual quality in parents also encourages children to develop their internal comfort and self-soothing abilities, which are crucial for their well-being.

Parental spirituality provides a foundation that supports the cultivation of moral values, empathy, and conscience in children through positive, consistent, and empathetic parenting practices.